Heidelightful

Sing with Me

2011-01-04T02:33:00.003-06:00

http://heidelightful.tumblr.com/post/2593201408/sing-with-me

:)

2010-11-19T01:54:00.003-06:00

Just to show that I haven't forgotten this blog.

A couple blog-like entries in my tumblr:

http://heidelightful.tumblr.com/post/1251409275/cards

http://heidelightful.tumblr.com/post/1608483161/damn-chair

A Quick Prayer

2010-10-07T23:33:00.007-05:00

Dear Jesus,

Please remind me that my suffering is nothing compared to what others go through on a regular basis. Nothing.
Please keep my heart light and my spirit high.
Please give me strength and remind me that I have the ability to conquer anything.
Please help me remember just how incredibly blessed I am.
And above all,
Please, please help me to love selflessly and unconditionally, like you have loved me.

Love,
Heidi

It comes in waves

2010-09-05T13:25:00.005-05:00

Blog-like entry in my tumblr. Didn't want to copy and paste, so:

http://heidelightful.tumblr.com/post/1070386845/it-comes-in-waves

People who need people...

2010-08-29T13:37:00.006-05:00

I remember a while back, I had written a xanga entry summarizing my freshman year of college. I had specifically written about what I had learned, but now that I think about it... I don't know if I really did learn what I said I had learned.

Even though I told myself I depended too much on other people, I don't know if much has changed. I still expected too much, poured too much of myself out, and had too much faith. Because of my own failures to guard myself, I can't even blame them. It was my fault.

I hope that I have finally learned my lesson, but something tells me I still haven't. Something tells me this constant faith in people... this attachment to others... it's just a part of me. I always go back to what Audrey Hepburn said, but it's just because it describes this all to a tee.

"I have an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it," she said.

I wish this weren't so, and I do hope that I have finally learned my lesson, but I guess we'll just have to see. I'll work on it for next time.

By the way, I think I have to strongly disagree with Barbra Streisand. People who need people are NOT the luckiest people in the world. What were you thinking, Barbra?!

I'm tumbling

2010-08-13T22:42:00.003-05:00

Maybe it has something to do with my indecisive nature, but I can't seem to stick to one social medium. That being said... I've decided to hop on the tumblr bandwagon.

http://heidelightful.tumblr.com/

See you there :)

Can normal women look this good pregnant???

2010-07-22T14:11:00.012-05:00

Thanks to these photos posted by Song of Style, I now aspire to be just as chic and adorable as Miroslava Duma if/when I get pregnant (which will not be for a long, long time haha). Actually, scratch that. If only I could be this chic right NOW. Click the thumbnails for bigger versions!

2010-07-06T13:56:00.001-05:00

LSAT Round 2: October 9, 2010.

I'm already nervous. God, please please please help me. :(

2010-06-28T00:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I think I am too complacent with reality, and other times I think I am too much of a dreamer. Or maybe the fact that I am a dreamer is what makes me disappointed in my complacency.

I don't know.

Also, sometimes I wish I could just throw some memories away.

Also, this was a very disjointed and nonsensical entry... probably due to the fact that when I have nothing else to do, I just think. And my thinking always has the weirdest linkages.

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart

2010-06-21T04:07:00.012-05:00

I have graduated. Entry from a new NU alum to come soon. :)

Alone Time

2010-05-20T22:08:00.018-05:00

There's this one episode of Sex and the City that I've remembered since I first watched it a while back. At the end of the episode, you see Carrie sitting in a cafe by herself, shaking her head when the waiter asks if she'll be needing the second place setting. "Just me today," she says. Then she looks out into the city and takes a breath, content with herself and confident enough to sit in a cafe alone, no book or newspaper to use as a cover.

I've done that so many times... eaten by myself and tried to "read" as I do it so that I don't look too pathetic, knowing very well that it's pretty impossible for me to both eat and read a book (that constantly needs a hand to keep it from folding over on itself) at the same time.

I wonder why people are so afraid to be alone sometimes. I'll be the first to admit that being alone is one of my biggest fears in life. From being completely directionally clueless to enjoying conversation and the company of others, I guess I'm the kind of person that needs other people. Like Audrey Hepburn, I too am a person with "an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it." I don't know whether that's a good thing or not...

At the same time, I like my alone time. I like sitting on the bus by myself, looking out the window and listening to music. In fact, I think I enjoy it more than having to talk to someone on the bus. It's like my own personal time to think (although I have a tendency to think too much). There are also a lot of instances where I'm literally afraid to venture out on my own (especially when a need for Google maps is involved), but I find that when I do do it... I enjoy it so much. It's refreshing and invigorating to be alone sometimes.

Hm. I initially intended to write about something completely different, but I think this is a nice place to end.

'Til next time :).

Heidi

House on Pooh's Corner

2010-04-29T00:40:00.008-05:00

I actually really wanted to write this post last night, but as I had two midterms to study for, I made the wise decision of putting it off for today.

Do you all remember Winnie the Pooh? That adorable little bear with the round tummy who exercised funny and always craved honey? I have loved Winnie the Pooh for as long as I can remember. I have a really soft stuffed Pooh on my night stand back at home, and every time I look at it, it brings me joy, even for just a moment. My Pooh bear has his nose all scratched up 'cause my dog tried to eat it, but I think it gives him character :).

I don't really know what it is about this bear that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He is just so... simple and adorable and loving. Maybe that's it. The fact that he is just so innocently simple. I love people like that too. People that just love with all their hearts because that's all they know how to do. People that see life purely for what it is, with nothing "bothersome" (as Pooh would say) to complicate it.

I didn't even watch the cartoon very much, but just looking at pictures of him with his little friends puts a smile in my heart (and on my face).

I guess I'll always have a place in my heart for Pooh bear. At least I hope so. He represents something to me that I really do cherish and hope I won't ever let go.

Anyway, I'll leave you all with the song that made me think of all this. It makes me really happy but really sad at the same time. You'll see :).

Kenny Loggins' House on Pooh's Corner

Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon.
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore,
As our days disappeared all too soon.
But I've wandered much further today than I should,
And I can't seem to find my way back to the wood.

So, help me if you can I've got to get
Back to the house at Pooh Corner by 1.
You'd be surprised there's so much to be done...
Count all the bees in the hive,
Chase all the clouds from the sky.
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh.

Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do,
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose.
He came to me asking help and advice
And from here no one knows where he goes.
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there,
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear.

It's hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all of our lives.
After all's said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side.
So I tucked him in, kissed him, and as I was going,
I swear that ol' bear whispered "Boy, welcome home."

Wouldn't it be nice if all we had to worry about was counting bees and chasing clouds? Or loosening the jar from the nose of a cute Pooh bear?

Alice in Wonderland

2010-04-23T18:35:00.011-05:00

This is a bit late (and random), but I watched Alice in Wonderland the day after it came out in the IMAX theatre at Navy Pier. The movie kind of disappointed me, though it wasn't a bore, and I think the Red Queen was my favorite character (interestingly enough).

Anyway, the point of my post is that my favorite part about the movie (other than the stunning visuals, as to be expected from Tim Burton) was Alice's wardrobe. The movie definitely made it a point to emphasize Alice's clothing and used any opportunity it had to give her a new costume. I thought I'd post some pictures I found online :).

Her first blue dress:

Second blue dress, one of my favorites!!!

Her red dress:

Her third blue dress, and my favorite: (I wish I had better pictures!)

Aren't they gorgeous??? Especially the last one... I would definitely wear that. All image credits go to Costumer's Guide.

2010-03-26T01:45:00.010-05:00

Sometimes I really don't know.
Sometimes I wish God would just TELL ME because sometimes I feel weary and incapable of finding out for myself.
Sometimes I feel tired of the glorified journey, that overrated path dressed in excitement and so tightly woven into the minds and hearts and writings and songs of every man and every woman of every century.
Sometimes I am too weak to fight, and I feel myself moving but not really moving at all.
Sometimes I really don't know, and sometimes I so want to know, and sometimes I just need to know.

82nd Academy Awards

2010-03-08T15:29:00.019-06:00

I watched the entire Oscars ceremony, from beginning to end, last night... and I actually really enjoyed it! I still remember those nights as a kid, staying up late to watch them and dozing off at the awards no one seemed to care about ("Sound Mixing," "Best Short Film," etc.). This time, however, I was really interested in everything... perhaps because they made it a point to explain each category. Then again, I guess age could have something to do with it. Unfortunately, I did not watch many of the "Best Picture" nominees (not even Avatar!), but to be honest, I'm just glad Up won "Best Score." The theme still makes me tear up!

ANYWAY. Back to the point of my entry. Dresses! :) Just once would I like the chance to wear one of these...

My top three, in ascending order:

3. Cameron Diaz in Oscar de la Renta. I'm usually not a big sparkle-kinda-gal, but this dress is breathtaking! :) Elegant, even with all the glitter. Hard to pull off, in my opinion, but this dress does it!

2. Demi Moore in Versace. Coming in at a close second (actually.. maybe even a tie...) is this GORGEOUS dress. I love the whimsical look of the chiffon and the color! Actually.. I realllly love the color. I was never the biggest fan of Demi... but this dress is perfect. :)

And....

1. Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab! Oh.. my goodness. How gorgeous is this??? Granted, perhaps the dress isn't super "Oscar"-y (it looks almost casual enough to wear out in the daytime), but it's beautiful :). She just floats in it. :) And I love her makeup. Not to mention... her. She's fabulous and SO gorgeous herself :).

Other honorable mentions:

Anna Kendrick in Elie Saab, Elizabeth Banks in Versace, Kristen Stewart in Monique Lhuillier (just the dress, not her... she seriously kills any dress she is in with her lack of elegance and sophistication... irritating), Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka (perfectly age-appropriate and gorgeous!), Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan (the color did it for me), and I can't tell if I really like this one or not... but Amanda Seyfried in Armani Prive (it looked prettier on screen than in pictures).

2010-03-04T01:02:00.005-06:00

I used to believe in signs. And soulmates. And life-altering love.
I feel broken. And lackluster.
I miss life. And my rose-colored glasses.

An Email

2010-02-23T18:06:00.004-06:00

I'm going back home in a couple of weeks for spring break, so my parents booked my flight and told me to check their email to see my flight information.

I couldn't find the email, but instead, I came across another email sent to my mom from her best friend of nearly 30 years. Granted, perhaps I should not have been a Snoopy McSnoopster and looked at it, but my curiosity got to the better of me. I'm really glad it did.

The email was basically just like an email I would send to a good girl friend of my own (though it was in Korean). She wished my mom a happy new year and told her that she loved and missed her. She also told her to hang in there, even though work and life are tough, and reminded her that she is living for her children. She told my mom to be grateful that her children are healthy, and she asked that she and my mom live the rest of their lives to their fullest, with joy and enthusiasm. Toward the end of her email, she reminisced a little and reminded my mom of their times in Hawaii together, times when they were young and naive... I guess, to quote Bryan Adams, when they were "young, and wild, and free."

It really just touched me. It reminded me that my mom had an entire life before she was my mom (as did my dad). She was once my age... she once went out and goofed around with her friends in Hawaii... she once experienced things similar to what I'm experiencing now. I'm really happy and thankful that my mom has retained at least that special friendship. I hope both she and her friend (whom I love!) as well as my dad really do live the rest of their lives with joy and light hearts. It's sad that they have to work so hard right now... but I hope one day soon they can really relax and enjoy life. I really hope to give that to them.

2010-02-17T23:08:00.005-06:00

My tiptoes are on the edge, and I'm leaning forward.
Jump, don't fall.
Fly, don't land.

It's fading, I'm losing, and I hesitate.
Move, don't stop.
Blink, don't close.

The "Trendiness" of Human Rights

2010-02-05T00:46:00.002-06:00

Another one of my blogposts for Anthro 378.

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Like we discussed today in class, Kleinman writes that suffering is social because it is intersubjective. No one has to suffer alone, and we as human beings relate to one another through our suffering.

It was also brought up, however, that even though suffering is social and should be a shared experience, we do not experience the suffering of those in, let’s say, Darfur, because we have not experienced genocide or something similarly horrific. Because we do not share that suffering, it was argued that we almost just… don’t care… or at the very least, it’s so distant from us that we aren’t as affected by it.

I would actually argue that we seem to care more about suffering that is distant. Like someone in class brought up, it’s almost easier for us to look at the suffering of those far away, sympathize, and talk about it. The suffering going on within the United States is oftentimes put on the back-burner; it’s just not as “interesting” as the suffering going on in Darfur or other foreign countries. Rarely do people want to go on volunteer trips to Houston or Atlanta; people want to go to Africa or Southeast Asia.

Not only that, but I feel like the topic of human rights and genocide is almost “trendy” these days. If you don’t know what Darfur is, you’re automatically this idiot or even a “loser,” in some sense. People (including celebrities – Ryan Gosling comes to mind) wear t-shirts, have bumper stickers everywhere, hold rallies… but what about the suffering right here in our country? Not that it always goes completely ignored by any means, but it does seem to be less significant than the suffering in places further away. Perhaps it is because U.S. suffering is most definitely not as terrifying or dangerous (understatement) as genocide, but it still makes me wonder.

When did human rights become so trendy? When did being an activist become the “cool” thing to do? And what intrigues us so much about suffering in places far away?

Elderly Dining Hall Folk (etc.)

2010-02-03T01:38:00.018-06:00

My roommate and I walked into the entrance of Plex West dining hall tonight and saw an unfamiliar face. After eating at Plex all year, I've gotten used to the few women who typically swipe us in, but today our Wildcard swiper was a man, maybe in his early-to-mid 50's. He had white hair and a white mustache, and he looked tired and almost anxious. Maybe it was his first time doing this?

He swiped us in and smiled, and as we walked into the dining area... we stopped. It was flooded with students eager to eat made-to-order pasta. Crap. We looked at each other, annoyed at the fact that we knew it'd be busy (pasta night) but still decided to change it up a bit and go West, not East. My roommate and I are a pretty boring pair; we haven't eaten together in Plex West in ages. But of course, with our combined lack of luck, it was ridiculously packed.

So we hesitantly (but pleadingly) asked the man at the front to let us into Plex East dining hall, and surprisingly, he did so. We walked into Plex East, grabbed our food (in a matter of a few minutes), and sat down to eat.

As we began chatting, I noticed the Wildcard-swiper-man with a plate of food in his hand (I guess he decided to eat in Plex East as well). He was looking around for an empty spot, until he finally settled for the end of a table, right next to a student and her group of friends. He looked at her awkwardly and almost apologetically, as if to say "Sorry, I couldn't find another place.. I won't interrupt you and your friends."

My heart honestly broke as I saw him first looking around for a spot to eat, then settling for the most awkward spot available. I really just wanted to reach out and ask him to sit with us... but it's kind of sad how it's weird to do that now (and by "now," I mean 2010). Either he'd feel awkward or he'd feel pitied or he'd feel something else just as bad.

Dinner ended, and my roommate and I went to go get our usual desserts to take back to our room. The man had actually moved from the table in front of us to a table for one, right in front of the dessert. I guess that other seat was just too... uncomfortable for him. He sat there alone, eating a piece of cake. Maybe I should've reached out?

Gah. Talk about heartbreak. This just reminded me of Mrs. Fu, another Wildcard-swiper from Sargent dining hall. She was an elderly woman with thinning grey hair and glasses. Adorable. Really. She always asked if my roommate and I were sisters. I remember at one point, I had gone back to Sargent for the first time in probably a year or two, and I was so excited that I exclaimed HI! to the lady working at the front (not Mrs. Fu, sadly). She was pretty amused and shocked, to say the least. It's weird how you develop these attachments subconsciously... who knew I'd miss just seeing these dining hall employees?

I really hate seeing elderly people working. I always notice, too. I remember seeing an ajumma (40-50 year old Korean woman) working as a janitor at the airport. She had sneakers on her feet and had on one of those shirts you buy at Kohl's in five different colors (Trust me, I would know. My mom has a ton... I hate that she spends all her money on me while she shops at Kohl's once a year). Unsurprisingly (and definitely illustrated by my train of thought just now), it just made me think of my mom (What if that were my mom? Same age. They work just as hard...), and really... it just sucked to see her slowly sweeping up stuff from the floor.

Anyway. Long entry, but it was really a quick amalgamation of every observation of old, working men and women I've noticed and wanted to write about, but never did. Trust me, there are plenty more that are still etched into my brain. I don't really know why, but it really gets to me when I see older people working. Maybe it's because I think of my parents, I don't know... but I can honestly say that it's one of those things I really hate to see... one of those things that unequivocally breaks my heart.

Why do these people have to work? Are they supporting their families? Do they have families? Why do they have to stick around all day, eating meals by themselves, walking around the school on their breaks, sitting all day swiping the Wildcards of ungrateful students?

I wish I knew, and I wish I could do something about it. =/

Academia

2010-01-25T16:51:00.008-06:00

I noticed something the other day. No matter what you study... English... biology... psychology... anthropology... even economics... the goal seems to be just to understand ourselves and others better. To understand the human being better.

English literature really tries to delve into the human soul. To understand the way we think, how we feel... the deeper meaning behind things. I guess I hadn't really thought about that before. English is always deemed as the lower form of study... biology and engineering always get the glory, don't you think? But literature really does envelop something that no other field can really study. Writing is just so personal... it must say countless things about the human being. Things biology and anatomy and physiology can't really dissect... you know? :)

I don't know what I really want to do in life right now. I know I want to help people (as cliché as it sounds). I know I want a meaningful life. I decided I also want to constantly learn more. Learn more about the human being... learn more about myself as a human being. I guess we'll see where life takes me.

P.S. On a related note, did you ever notice how people love to hear about themselves? Whether it be through zodiac sign descriptions or "what does ___ tell about you" quizzes... I always thought that was interesting.

Lives of Dignity

2010-01-12T23:10:00.009-06:00

So for one of my classes, I am supposed to write a weekly blog entry about the readings I've been doing about human rights, global health, and social justice. Since I haven't updated in ages, I thought I'd share the entry I contributed for today.

I'll update again soon (hopefully) about things other than human rights (haha). Maybe I'll throw in a poem I wrote or something... I kind of miss literature.

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In the first chapter of his book Universal Human Rights in Theory and Practice, Jack Donnelly defines human rights as those things needed for a human life of dignity, i.e. worthy of a human being. He makes the significant distinction between something that would be right to enjoy and something that we have a right to enjoy. In other words, "we do not have human rights to all things that are good, or even all important good things. For example, we are not entitled -- do not have (human) rights -- to love, charity, or compassion" (10). He also gives a more descriptive example by stating that although it's unfortunate that millions of parents abuse their children on a daily basis, we do not have the human right to loving parents and that in fact, to "recognize such a right would transform family relations in ways that many people would find unappealing or even destructive" (11).

A couple things came to mind when I read these passages. First, what exactly does a life of "dignity" mean? I always thought that compassion and love were both included in a life "worthy of a human being." I always believed love (in any form) was essential to human life, that without it our lives would be just... less. Besides, hasn't it been proven that children with loveless family lives tend to be less healthy, maybe not in the physical sense, but at least in the mental sense? Who gets to decide what kind of life is worthy of a human being? Is it a life in which one is not tortured, not hungry, and not thirsty? Definitely. But why shouldn't a child have the human right to a loving parent?

This brings me to my next point. Donnelly mentions that carrying out the human right to good parents would be problematic. How would we enforce the parental duty of being "loving" to children? Or even enforce the "human right" of compassion? What would even be deemed as "compassion"? These difficulties are both unavoidable and understandable. I can also understand that human beings do not have the right to everything good in life (e.g. fame, fortune). There are many things that are out of our hands and difficult to control (like, to an extent, how much money people make or how famous they are). I wonder, however, if it is right to say something is not something else because if it WERE ... it would be difficult to execute. It would definitely be difficult to judge the specifics of a what a "loving" family is... or even what being "loving" is. If, however, we are going to imagine exactly what a human life of dignity and worth would be, it seems to me that love... compassion... charity... even occasional moments of happiness... should not be excluded. Granted, we do not need these things to live physically healthy lives... but perhaps we need them to live complete lives, healthy in all senses.

I don't know if these thoughts are too sentimental for something so closely intertwined with politics (as Donnelly points out), but I thought I'd put it out there anyway.

Speed Read

2009-11-08T00:36:00.006-06:00

I just read Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar in one day.
Oh... my goodness.
Enough said.

Tea Time

2009-10-13T11:38:00.005-05:00

I went to a high tea the other day. How cool is that?

Things I Hate Most When Driving

2009-09-03T15:53:00.003-05:00

In no particular order...

1. When huge 18-wheelers decide to chill in the fast lane (the left lane) while going 2 mph.
2. When huge 18-wheelers decide to gang up and take over the entire freeway, one in each lane, driving side by side.
3. When people brake every two seconds when the car in front of them is a mile away.
4. When people cut in front of me too close.
5. The fact that my initial reaction is not to honk, so I always miss my opportunity to honk.
6. Rush hour traffic.
7. The fact that whenever there is the smallest accident, there is major traffic because people are just too freaking curious.
8. When I see cars without more than one person driving in the HOV (carpool) lane.
9. When I don't know where I'm going.
10. When the person behind me is on my butt even when I'm going nearly 80 mph.

Must Be My Lucky Week

2009-08-16T13:50:00.009-05:00

So you know those online giveaway sweepstakes things that you get emailed about from your favorite stores, but you never think you can win?Thank you, BCBG Max Azria. Cutest. bag. ever. Worth $300. 100% off. :)

Shoes.

2009-07-03T13:16:00.011-05:00

I know I typically don't post so often, but this is a shoe emergency.

Sigh. How BEAUTIFUL are these????? So MAYBE the ribbons clutter the (otherwise very simple and chic) shoes a bit... but still. They just look so pretty, don't they? If only I could afford them... then afford clothes to go with them... then learn how to walk in them... hahahaha. :) Until then, I will admire from afar.

Lost in Reminiscence

2009-07-01T01:10:00.003-05:00

Do you ever find yourself lost in reminiscence? Maybe not exactly "lost," but I don't know... it's like how we love watching sad movies and crying our eyes out, even though being "sad" isn't supposed to be the most enjoyable thing. Why is that? It's almost masochistic... this weird convergence of pain and pleasure.

Granted, not all reminiscing has to be sad, but for some reason, I often associate reminiscing with that bittersweet feeling of "good times, good times..." I guess sometimes you just have to take the bitter if you want the sweet, hm?

Even though I often wish I could just stick myself in the present and stay here, I always tend to drift toward the past or propel myself into the future... I either miss the "good ol' days," or I worry myself to death over the future. Not only that, but those days were probably not all that great to begin with. I'm pretty sure when I'm older, I'll be looking back on my time now and refer to it as the good old days as well. I really need to learn appreciate the future "good ol' days"... now. Carpe diem, right? (Even though apparently "Carpe diem" does not translate into "seize the day" literally, according to my high school Latin teacher).

Just my random ramblings for the day :).

P.S. On a complete side note, I realized that I'm a major homebody. Even though I enjoy going out, after a long day of work, I honestly just want to sleep in and watch TV and eat food. When did I get so boring? Maybe it's because I just get too tired? Oh well. To each his own. :)

P.P.S. I realize the picture doesn't exactly relate with the topic of this post, but I just like the whimsical feel of it. At least in my head, it fits.

Is the cup half full or half empty?

2009-06-09T13:23:00.019-05:00

In all honesty, the first time I came across that question... I was pretty surprised. It had never occurred to me before that the cup could be considered "half empty." Whether it was due to naivete or even narrow-mindedness... I don't know. The fact of the matter is I really hadn't given it much thought before, and when I finally DID realize a cup could be considered half empty... it blew my mind and changed the way I thought about life forever.

Just kidding. But I was pretty amused nevertheless.

So what does this brilliant introduction lead me to talk about today? WELL. I've been taking a moral philosophy class this quarter, learning about Nietzsche, Kant, etc., and Nietzsche is, in my opinion, one of the most depressing people... ever. Seriously. His views on life and the human being are so incredibly cynical and pessimistic that it makes me want to just go and slap every person that walks down Sheridan because APPARENTLY, we are all intrinsically evil, so we all deserve it anyway. SO WHAT if that kid just walked an old lady down the street? He probably did it to make himself feel better. Or he thought the old lady was hot. Or he actually just wanted to steal her purse. Or it was just my imagination, and he actually tripped her and ran away, laughing. WHAT a jerk. Let's slap him in the face.

According to Nietzsche, we are all inherently animalistic, selfish and depraved. Morality, or according to Nietzsche, "slave-morality," is something the weak, lame humans pulled up out of their butts to try and contain the strong humans from taking over the world. In other words, if you consider yourself one of those lucky, stronger humans, you should do whatever it takes to get to the top. Morality, like God, is non-existent.

Towards the end of his series of lectures on Nietzsche, Professor Seeskin quoted from "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," a sermon given by Jonathan Edwards. Let me give you a little piece of this.

"The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours."

"He will not only hate you, but he will have you, in the utmost contempt: no place shall be thought fit for you, but under his feet to be trodden down as the mire of the streets."

Oh my holy goodness. I think I just peed my shorts. Let me go crawl in a hole and die now. The God I've been praising all this time really hates me? I'm really just a piece of worthless crap? :(:(:(:( ... yyyeah.

It is interesting that the professor would quote from a minister when teaching about Nietzsche, who was clearly convinced that God does not exist. Their similarities, however, lie in their obsession with emphasizing the depravity of the human being. I don't know about you, but the God Edwards is describing does not seem all that pleasant to me. It is not the God I think of when I pray, and it is not the God I think of when I worship or go to church. What was he thinking?

This is something that has confused me for a while now. When I drive, I oftentimes see this billboard, completely blank except for a few, typed black words in the middle. "Believe or be damned." Seriously? Is this how you want to get people to convert? You want people to go to God out of fear of damnation? Not only that, but you want to proclaim that human beings are all inherently screwed up?

Though college has definitely stepped on my idealistic, romantic views quite a few times, I still find it very difficult to believe, as Nietzsche and Edwards do, that mankind is inherently evil. I find it incredibly puzzling that a person, like Edwards, could love and worship a God that despises him so deeply. Granted human beings make mistakes all the time... granted there is a LOT of corruption in the world (just watch an episode of Law and Order: SVU... crazy)... but has Edwards forgotten that we were all made in the image and likeness of God? That God is all-loving and merciful? That we are all his children? Human beings can hurt each other... can even kill each other... but they can also risk and even lose their lives for one another. They can love each other... so. incredibly. much. It's ridiculous how much love and potential for love human beings really possess. Have you seen the love a mother has for her child? Or the love a man has for his wife? Can you really say, after looking at all this, that we are all just messed up inside? I think not.

So conclusion? Edwards and Nietzsche are wrong. Human beings are intrinsically good, God actually loves us (I promise!), that kid really did want to walk the old lady down the street, and the cup is half full.

Stylin'

2009-06-02T00:19:00.007-05:00

I just had to throw in a random post about the outfit Lauren Conrad wore to Heidi and Spencer's wedding. I feel a bit gross devoting an entire blog entry to that wedding (they get enough undeserved exposure as it is!)... but oh well. I just watched the finale of The Hills, and I absolutely LOVED Lauren's outfit! Channeling Jackie O? A little bit, don't you think?

How gorgeous does she look?! I love that blue dress.. the color.. the cut.. the belt...everything. And her hair. And her bag. :)

Anyway. My apologies for an entry based off of an MTV reality show. At least it was about an outfit and not the episode itself! Next entry will be a bit less destructive to your brain cells. Promise. :)

"Music of My Heart" :)

2009-05-25T14:28:00.008-05:00

Music never fails to touch me. Whether it be when I'm pouring my heart out through a sappy, Korean song at a karaoke place... or when I'm worshiping the Lord with my eyes closed and my hands on my heart... or when I'm dancing around my room listening to Taylor Swift... it always has that effect on me.

All it is is language spoken to a tune, right? Instead of just speaking... we kind of go up and down more and elongate each word? What is it about music that makes me love it so much? That can change my mood from pensive to upbeat in minutes? I'm listening to my iTunes right now on shuffle (as always), and the song just changed from "Sailing" by Rod Stewart (one of many renditions of "Sailing") to "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz... "I'm Yours" is so freaking cute. Seriously. It makes life just that much happier, doesn't it? Listen to it. Twice. Three times. Listen to it in proportion to your bad mood. It'll help. Really.

I went to karaoke last night, and we seriously sang everything from "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks to "All My Life" by KC & JoJo. All that was missing was Earth, Wind & Fire's "September." Do you remember... the 21st night of September?

Soju, some "chicken fried," and 노래방... what a great night. Sometimes I just love being Korean.

Oh. And I love music. x a billion. :)

There are more important things

2009-04-28T17:40:00.015-05:00

I've realized that I've spent so much useless energy and time worrying about things that don't matter and will not matter ten years from now (or even... a year from now). I still have so much growing up to do. No matter how hard I fight it, it is undeniable that I still see glaring traces of my 16-year-old, "Mean Girls" self. And not Regina either. At least she was the leader, albeit a bitchy, conniving one. More like the insecure, chubby girl who bought army pants and flip-flops because Cady Heron wears army pants and flip-flops. Or like Gretchen Weiners, the girl who relentlessly attempts to maintain her "Regina's best friend" status. And yes, I am aware of the irony in my Mean Girls reference and the content of this post.

There haven't really been too many eye-opening classes for me during my three years here at Northwestern. In all honesty, I've more often than not felt like I was paying $200,000 for a sheet of paper and the ability to walk across a stage with a piece of cardboard on my head.

During this school year, however, I feel like I've slowly been taking classes that I actually find myself talking about outside of class and long nights of paper writing.

I took International Political Economy last quarter with Hanson, and though I only managed a B in the class (sad), I can honestly say I learned more in that class than I did in any other. Granted, I am an English major (which I love), and I read many great novels, but IPE was one of the first classes that honestly captured my attention through each hour-and-a-half long lecture. Though English classes allow me to discuss my brilliantly profound thoughts with my fellow lit-fanatics (hah), classes like IPE really force me to pay attention and... learn. I actually found myself googling Alan Greenspan and Ben Bernanke, watching a video on the housing crisis, and playing the "Fix the U.S. Economy" game. Look for it; it's fun. Really. There's even a little car named "Recession" that chases you around.

Today I skipped class (I know, I know). But in my defense, it was a useful skip, at least in my opinion. I decided to give up an hour-and-a-half discussing an African Lit novel I haven't finished (or... barely started, I guess) for an hour-and-a-half reading Samantha Power's "A Problem from Hell": American and the Age of Genocide. Really good book, especially for a person (like myself) whose knowledge of genocide really ends with the Holocaust and a superficial understanding of the tragedies in Darfur. The book gives detailed accounts of a number of genocides, such as the Ottoman genocide of the Armenians, the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia, and the Serbian genocide of non-Serbs in Bosnia. Though the class itself is not as inspiring (the professor's lecturing style is REALLY frustrating), the content of her lectures and the books she's chosen for the class are awesome. They definitely make it worthwhile.

Anyway, I interrupted my reading of Power's book to sit at my computer and write this post because the book made me rethink where my career was heading and what, in all honesty, I was spending most of my time thinking about. I need to commit myself to letting go of trivial, juvenile things and focusing on what is really important. I need to read more books like these. I doubt Power particularly intended this book to inspire lazy college students like myself... but it did :).

As a complete non-sequitur, my little English major blurbs reminded me of some pet peeves of mine. I hate it when pretentious people cloak their uninspired, obvious comments with flowery language and deep, serious voices. I hate it more when the professor applauds the comment for its depth, yet when another less eloquent classmate says something completely profound, the professor dismisses it with a curt nod or an "uh-huh." What's up with that? I guess it goes to show just how important the ability to articulate oneself is. No wonder Obama formed such a cult following during his campaign.

I also hate it when people stick their feet up onto the seat in front of them in class. Especially when it's my seat. And it's my shirt and pants their dirty shoes are touching. It's like when the kid in the seat behind me on the plane back to Chicago stuck his shoe-less foot on my armrest. I only discovered it after I smelled something FOUL. I proceeded to stuff my pillow on his foot, hoping he would get the hint, but he did not.

K. Sorry for the long entry. And its unsophisticated ending. :)

Snazzy Ladies

2009-04-25T22:28:00.013-05:00

Haven't posted pictures in a while, so thought I'd include a series of pictures I really enjoyed. I love reading about people like the ones here (Wikipedia and Google, what would I do without you). They inspire me. :)

Camilla Belle as Mary Tyler Moore. Do you remember that show?
Who can turn the world on with her smile... Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it seem worthwhile.. Well it's you girl and you should know it! With each glance and every little movement you show it.. Love is all around, no need to waste it... You can have a town, why don't you take it.. You're going to make it after alllll... I definitely need to sing this to myself every day. :)

Alexis Bledel (my favorite!) as Rosie the Riveter.

Alicia Keys as First Lady Michelle Obama. Complete with the kids and even First Dog Bo before he was actually purchased. Hahaha. She is pretty cool though... intelligent, poised, AND stylish. How very Jackie-O. :)

America Ferrera as Dolores Huerta. Just in case you don't know who that is, she's the founder of the United Farm Workers of America.

Emma Roberts as Audrey Hepburn! I don't exactly see the resemblance, but I love the classy outfit juxtaposed with the cute pink balloons. I guess the bit of poof in the dress makes the balloons seem not so out of place though. :) Love it.

Emma Stone as Carrie Bradshaw. Love her (Carrie)! Classic scene in the beginning of every episode... I can just hear the instrumental theme song in my head. She is just... fabulous. And definitely an icon.

Lindsay Lohan as Madonna. Great picture.

Hayden Panettiere as Amelia Earhart. I really do wonder what happened to her... but that image of her in the plane with the goggles and hat always pops up in my head when I think about flying a plane! It's one of the things I absolutely have to do one day... fly a plane. An open one. Complete with the entire outfit.

Paula Patton as Billie Holiday. Tragic story. Amazing artist.

The women of Woodstock. Wish I could've been there.

Rewind

2009-04-06T12:35:00.008-05:00

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could just rewind a part of your life and start over? Just a little bit, not the whole thing.

I feel like after three years of college, I haven't really accomplished much. I'm sure, however, that this is, in part, due to my laziness and, in part, due to an unwillingness to step out of my comfort zone. In other words, it's my fault, yet I can't help but wish I could start over.

What would I do differently? Be more involved. Meet different kinds of people. Work harder. Enjoy life more.

Don't get me wrong. My life now is just fine. I have a couple great friends. I'm not exactly failing out of Northwestern. I enjoy life to a certain extent.

But I know I was capable of more...

Oh dream maker, you heart breaker...

2009-03-04T00:32:00.011-06:00

...wherever you're going, I'm going your way :)

So "Moon River" happens to be one of my most favorite songs... ever. And Breakfast at Tiffany's happens to be one of my most favorite movies... ever. And Audrey Hepburn happens to be one of my most favorite actresses...ever.

Fine, think that's cliche. Who doesn't love that classic image of Audrey Hepburn in that gorgeous black Givenchy dress? But hey, at least I chose to include an image not quite as "cliche," hmm?

This is one of my most favorite scenes (have I said "most favorite" enough in this post?) from the movie. She is absolutely DARLING sitting on the ledge of her window, singing Mancini's "Moon River," and the scene is just... unforgettable. I love how she's just... herself in this scene, especially when her character (Holly Golightly) is so trapped in this image she has created for herself. She's completely devoid of any means of maintaining her image (like her fancy clothes and jewelry, as much as I love them), and I love it. If only we could be like this all the time...

You know those scenes in movies or paragraphs in books that make you want to go out and do just that? Whenever I read something like "I got up early on a bright, cool morning to run around the lake, then do some yoga, drink some OJ and eat a bagel, read a book..." etc., I just want to go out and do that exact thing. It sounds so relaxing and enjoyable! Well, watching Audrey Hepburn in her comfy clothes with that scarf around her head made me want to hop into some comfy clothes, wear a scarf around my head, go sit outside my window with a guitar, and sing aimlessly into the city. Maybe I'll do it one day... once I have my very own ledge to sing off of. :)

Weird

2009-02-26T18:22:00.004-06:00

This sounds incredibly melodramatic, but I think I'm allergic to crying. No really. My eyelid (and only the left one) gets incredibly red, dry, and painful. And it swells up like a balloon. I guess it's all the salt in tears? Who knows. But ouch. It hurts. Almost as much as it hurts inside. Haha. Now that was melodramatic.

Solitude

2009-02-25T23:49:00.005-06:00

So I was (or am) watching an episode of Sex and the City (my daily 11:00 and 11:30 pm TBS fix), and tonight's 11:30 episode is about being alone when you're 30+ and having no one on your emergency contact list in your cell phone.

Granted my quick summary of the episode does not do the episode justice, but it "got me thinking." We, as human beings, are so afraid of being alone. Or is it just me? I think my greatest fears in life aren't exactly death... but the deaths of my loved ones... and getting old... and I think this all ties into the same thing. I am afraid of being old and alone.

I mean... screw finding a boyfriend or a husband. That is hard enough as it is. But how hard is it to even find a group of close friends you can count on for anything? Who will I put on MY emergency contact list? Will I have close friends to spend time with on the weekends or look forward to spending time with after work?

Honestly, the only thing that gets me through the week sometimes is looking forward to a specific event that weekend... and when I don't have anything to look forward to, life is hard. Seriously.

Lately it's been so hard just to get up in the morning. I find myself waking up to the buzz of my phone, staring at it for a second, setting an alarm for a time 30 minutes later, and just falling asleep again. I am terrible at falling asleep once I am up, yet it's been so easy for me lately. What's wrong with me? I'm starting to dread simply... being awake and functioning like every other normal human being.

Augustana said it best. I really think I need a sunrise... I am so incredibly sick of the sunset.

Shoes Shoes Shoes

2009-02-24T22:40:00.010-06:00

Honestly? $900? But so beautiful. Oh, Christian Louboutin.

And of course, the classic black pumps. Beautiful. And $600.

I love Louboutin's signature red soles :).

Relax and Unwind

2009-02-11T00:46:00.006-06:00

There's honestly nothing better than taking a warm shower after a long day and curling up in my bed in PJ's with NUTV on my lap.

Sometimes it's the best part of my day. Is that sad? Haha. I just love the feeling of being all done with things I need to do and being able to sleep whenever I want. Now that I mention it... I love sleep. :)

There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained

2009-02-09T15:04:00.012-06:00

I absolutely love Taylor Swift. It's honestly rare to actually like every single song on an album, but Fearless is so great. Just listening to her music while driving on a sunny, breezy day with the windows down... or sitting in your room while it's raining outside... or just walking around campus, ignoring the people walking around you. Perfect.

I love her gorgeous curly hair too! I wish I had curly hair like that. Though I guess it wouldn't look too good on an Asian girl... I feel like that hair looks best on blondes. Like on Sarah Jessica Parker and Kate Hudson. Lame. Hehe :)

Wouldn't it be great to get to perform all the time... or just sit around writing songs, singing and playing your guitar? I wish I knew how to play guitar.

Gotta love 'em

2009-01-26T14:33:00.007-06:00

I love the blazer :) and the belt.. and the white shirt... :)

I love the whole thing :) and the shoes. So cute!

cute :) both of them!

I know I know... the Olsen twins... what am I thinking.. but watching Full House reruns made me think of them... Michelle Tanner was the cutest little kid on TV! And you have to admit... they look pretty darn cute in these :). I love Ashley Olsen's style. =]

We all need a little crazy

2009-01-24T14:04:00.007-06:00

Seriously. 살짝 미치자. My 인생 needs some 행복. Pronto.

Sometimes I wish things were simpler. I think too much when I don't need to think, and I don't think enough when I need to think. Drives me crazy... not in the good, "인생이 즐겁다" way either. The bad, irritating, "shut up, Heidi" way.

Hello Lover

2008-12-17T14:25:00.015-06:00

Perfect. Doesn't Big have the best smile? I love the color of her dress.

Something about this reminds me of Gone with the Wind... maybe the sweeping staircase thing.

Gorgeous. Can I have that dress? And those shoes?

Love the Louis Vuitton luggage. Haha. And both of their outfits, of course.

What an elegant kiss :). And dress. I love the city in the background.

Just had to post these pictures from the June 2008 issue of Vogue. More Carrie Bradshaw pictures to come. Notice how I do not call Sex and the City a guilty pleasure... it's just a pleasure. :)

Guilty Pleasure

2008-12-16T22:04:00.006-06:00

What can I say? Aside from the ridiculous, unrealistic drama, the show also presents viewers with pretty extravagant "everyday" wear. Maybe that's why I love it so much.

A Korean spin on Gossip Girl? I guess I'm not the only one that forgets that B and S wear "uniforms" to school. Don't you love it?

And so it begins

2008-12-16T21:53:00.013-06:00

I remember writing in my Xanga when I was about 14 years old and wondering if I'd still be writing in it years from then. I wrote about my first days in high school all the way up to my first year in college. Crazy, right? That thing is filled with my scattered thoughts as a hyperactive 14-year-old to a heartbroken 18-year-old to a (hopefully) more mature 20-year-old (believe me, college forces you to grow up like none other).

I missed writing and posting random things from here and there, and I figured it was about time to move on to something different... so here it goes (with a very intellectually-charged, thought-provoking post on Gossip Girl) :).